Now that I got the stalking out of me.... I am amazed at what is happening with me. I am fucking crazy as hell. Im going to have to stop all contact starting now fuckin sick bitch. I dont like what this is doing to me. I am twisted inside and out.
I give up. Hes right I am a fucking coward and a liar. I am dead to him.Need to practice fucking ACCEPTANCE and let go.

If one can actually revert to the truth, then a great deal of one's
suffering can be erased - because a great deal of one's suffering is
based on sheer lies."- R. D. Laing


I dont understand whats happening to my life? His life? WTF! How could this even happen? Its all all fucking lie every word uttered in these fights are fucking lies and the only thing real and true is I love him & he loves me. I ruin everything I just want to evaporate into nothing.

Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation.
-- Oscar Wilde

You know the more and more I get clarity on marriage the more I'm not interested. It is a recipe for hate and disconnect it seems.
I do not want to hate or be seperate with someone I chose to be entwined with. Just sounds nightmarish. I think I may be one of the women in the world that just has to be unhitched! Independent in every fucking way. I guess the frustration and disappointment in all that was when I got right down to it & honest with myself it is that I thought it was possible to have everything.I guess nobody gets everything and if they do they want something else. This is something I am going to keep looking at because supposedly I wanted it or thought I wanted by the time I turned 40.