Oh my, things have gotten interesting. Or the plot thickens whichever youd like.
I cant say enough warm and fuzzies.

Melancholy and the infinite sadness is such a great album title. I am trying to think of which song I loved on it and it evades me just the album title comes to mind..
I am thinking of my daughter thats probably why. I am going to talk about it a little more with other women and people who have addict kids. I am also thinking of checking out Alanon. I have no idea where and when Ill have time but I am going to make time. I want to feel better. I got into it with Spike earlier in the week. A simple tiff turned into dramarama and I think hes right it has to do with not being able to seperate and surrender my kids. I love him so much, I hope that staying on top of this stuff will somehow change the way I behave. I really cant stand myself sometimes. heres one..

Got to see Iron Maiden :)
They were very close to us! I am happy to say I did not suffocate in the pit. Spike and I both had an awesome time. Who couldnt youd have to be a corpse or extremely lame not to. I am back to work, well rested I guess. I could of slept longer I think. I dreamt of one of Stephanies friends. He introduced himself and kinda let me know hed keep an eye out for her. She gets out this Wednesday. She is my baby now and always. I love her so much and I am sorry that she is choosing the way shes is choosing. I pray she makes it through this part of her life. I am reading for someone tonight. So happy it will be mediumship. My personal favorite thing to do. So all is good I guess. The financial stuff always ends up working out...
Love you Stephanie

I realize now more than ever, never have I even close loved a man like I love him.

Lookie me and Mike Starr!
God I obsessed on AIC many times over the years that was a moment. He seemed very nice! Said he had lots of Alice nobodys ever heard :)
This songs from Facelift love it! So Heather picked me up loaded! Not even sure what to say about it yet. I am grateful I dont want to use. This disease is evil for real.

“The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”
Goethe

Love it, things are happening in synchronicity with my conscious decisions to commit myself. I am amazed at how very easily this is happening. Oh Spike and I went to see the therapist. Was our 3rd time going. My 4th his 3rd. I am liking it still. I think it may actually be helping coupled with my commitment to change and my recovery.

I'm going to keep my head up. No matter what. I don't need my mommy my brother or my sister to live my life. I also dont need a husband. I am fine with just being me forever. If it never happens I guess it wasnt supposed to. I seriously love being in the process. Things are moving fast and I can keep up. Everything is just moving forward. FEAR aside all is well.

Sit type be honest...
It all started with a feeling. I felt how I felt. The inflection was in the lyrics and feel of DMB's song Say Goodbye. I remember resonating the whole feel of meeting him and digging him everything to this song. The reason was because I knew he didnt want anything serious neither did I. Coming out of the stuff I was coming out of I needed to let the dust settle some. Shake off all that insanity all that drama. I just wanted to unravel right in front of him a few times. I hadnt up to that point ever met a man who took my breath away. Made me nervous talkin to him. Just being around him made my heart beat faster. Crazy. We went to Comicon 09 with him. I mean I knew we were going as brand new friends. We saw each other there we had lunch we left. I cant really describe it, I just dug him. We we were standing close outside the con for like a minute and I was like close right behind him. I remember feelin a total rush from my head to my feet just by being near him. I wanted this guy!
I talked to him over the following weeks here and there. Met for coffee and whatnot. I went to see him play with his band for the first time.
Loved the band, they sounded great playing dark and heavy Sabbath! Was the first time I saw him perform. He let me kiss him on the cheek before he went on stage. I was just girly as fuck over him.When he came off he was hella sweaty and hot! He came by me and I swear he let me kiss him once more and I seriously savored his sweat. Should of known then he was more than just a guy.

Hole show--postponed til whenever ok whatever I got tix!
I swear to Bob. Anyways, a wonderful Monday! Feeling good going to study my dmv manual fuckin A! I can probably pass the written without but I am gonna study anyway. Hate to have a dead run to that place. It is the 7th I have started my step again. I am officially in a therapy or couples therapy with my beloved bf. So so different than any experience I ever had. We seem to do most the talkin which is nice. I dont feel like we vent or go off or anything. This is good! Kids are well. Almost time for Summer vacation and Iron Maiden. I am so looking forward to the show. Am going to book alot of appointments and save for schtuff. Gotta go..